


I Must-ache You To Shave

by velvetjinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Mustaches, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Smut, birthday fic, never mess with Steve Rogers on matters of personal grooming, revenge mustaches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx/pseuds/velvetjinx
Summary: Bucky can totally grow a mustache and it’ll look awesome. What he doesn’t count on is Steve’s revenge.





	I Must-ache You To Shave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cryo_Bucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryo_Bucky/gifts).



> For the lovely cryo-bucky on the occasion of her birthday. ❤️❤️❤️

Bucky was lost in the feel of Steve's lips against his as they lay together on the sofa making out. They had been kissing for what felt like hours, and although his cock was hard and pressing against Steve's insistently he was happy just to keep kissing.

“Your mustache is all scratchy,” Steve murmured against his lips.

“I don’t have a mustache,” Bucky retorted, offended, leaning up on his hands above Steve.

“The scruff on your lip then,” Steve said with a laugh. “It’s fine, it’s sexy, not like an actual mustache.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “You don’t think I’d look sexy with an actual mustache?”

Steve gave him a long look. “Buck, _no one_ looks good with a mustache. Except that one guy on that show you got obsessed with last year, maybe.”

“Magnum PI. And yeah, he looked great. What, you don’t think I’d look as good? You wouldn’t want me if I grew a mustache? You’re that hung up on my looks?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Steve sighed. “Can we just go back to making out and pretend I didn’t say anything?”

“Not a chance, Rogers.” 

Steve slid his hand down Bucky's chest to press against his cock, leaning up to nip at his chin. “You sure about that?”

Bucky groaned, and captured Steve's mouth with his. The argument could wait.

***

As it happened, there wasn’t really an opportunity to continue the argument as they lay on the sofa, sweaty and sated, because Steve immediately fell asleep. 

Well, if that was how Steve felt, then maybe Bucky just had to teach him a lesson.

***

It was subtle at first, of course. Bucky just didn’t shave his upper lip when he clipped the rest of his facial hair. If Steve noticed the first few days he never said anything. It wasn’t until day five that Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky suspiciously.

“Your top lip looks darker than usual.”

“Does it?” Bucky asked, eyes wide and innocent.

Steve frowned, but didn’t say anything else. 

Bucky figured he’d won that round.

He shouldn’t have underestimated Steve Rogers.

***

Steve had to go on a week long mission with Natasha and Tony, while the rest of the team were left behind to kick their heels and wait. Bucky couldn’t wait for Steve to get home—his mustache was now long and lush, and to be fair, he knew he looked hideous but fuck Steve's reaction was gonna be hilarious.

When Steve returned, Bucky was in the kitchen in their apartment. Hearing the door, he dried his hands on the towel and hung it up before going through to greet his boyfriend.

Steve was in the bedroom, unpacking his suitcase, and when Bucky entered, he turned, and Bucky's mouth dropped open.

There, on Steve's top lip, was the most hideous mustache Bucky had ever seen. It was even worse than his—it looked like a small animal had died on his lip.

“Steve,” Bucky choked out. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, do you like it?” Steve asked casually. “I saw you were growing one and I figured I’d grow one to match you. Looks good, huh?”

“Sure!” Bucky managed. 

Steve stepped in front of him, wrapping his arms around Bucky's waist and leaning in to kiss him. His mustache tickled. “Mmm, missed this,” Steve said, and Bucky nodded. It wasn’t so bad when he closed his eyes, but he could still feel it.

“Me too,” was all he said, pulling Steve in for another kiss. He felt Steve's hands unbuttoning his shirt and returned the favor, and quickly they were both naked. Steve pushed Bucky down onto the bed and climbed on after him, immediately ducking his head over Bucky's cock and sucking it into his mouth. Bucky let out a moan, but when he looked down all he could see was the mustache framing his dick, and he stifled a laugh.

“That good, baby?” Steve asked, voice husky, before licking around the head.

“Uh, yeah, fuck, don’t stop.” Maybe if he closed his eyes? But no, when Steve swallowed his cock down Bucky could feel the mustache brushing against his groin and he let out a giggle that he quickly turned into a cough.

When he was nearing the edge, Steve pulled off and slid up Bucky's body to kiss him. “Wanna fuck you,” he muttered, and Bucky nodded, making to turn over onto his front because fuck knew he didn’t want to see that mustache on Steve when they were fucking. But Steve, damn him, frowned. “You don’t want to face me? I missed you.”

Bucky gave him a weak smile and lay on his back as Steve grabbed the lube from the bedside table. Steve grinned at him and slid back down the bed and began to rim Bucky, licking and sucking around his hole, but the damn mustache ticked and this time he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“What’s funny?” Steve asked, pouting.

“Nothing, baby,” Bucky said soothingly, but Steve gave him a long look. “Fine, your… your mustache tickles.”

“Oh, is that all?” Steve grinned at him, and there was something in his eyes that Bucky knew all too well.

“You sonofabitch,” Bucky said, laughing. “You absolute asshole, you did this on purpose.”

“Damn right. I saw that you were growing one and figured I’d grow one too in protest.” Steve began to laugh. “I was wondering how long it would take you before you cracked.”

“I just can’t take you seriously,” Bucky told him, giggling. 

Steve smirked. “How about we both go shave then come back and continue where we left off?”

“Yes. Please,” Bucky said gratefully.

When the mustaches were gone, Bucky heaved a sigh of relief. 

“That better, baby?” Steve asked, pulling Bucky into his arms and kissing him.

“Much. Let’s never do that again?”

“Agreed. Now, where were we?” Steve gave him an evil smile and Bucky laughed before following him back into the bedroom.

As they tumbled onto the bed together, Bucky couldn’t help but be glad that there was no photographic evidence of either mustache. He wasn’t sure if he’d have been able to live knowing that was out there. And he swore never to doubt Steve's judgement on grooming matters again.

It just wasn’t worth the payback.


End file.
